Dirty Little Secret
by ChipsAhoyPup
Summary: The real reason L never washes or changes his clothes. And what exactly does Light enjoy doing at night?
1. L's Secret

**Dirty Little Secret**

**ChipsAhoypup**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the song (which is only used as the title) or Death Note in general… I also don't own any products mentioned in this fic.**

**A/N This was a lame idea I came up with while I did the laundry… My mind automatically asked, **_**What would it be like if L did laundry?**_** Then I laughed at my own mind… and then, yeah… (By the way, I hate doing the laundry. I fail at it. But it's my chore, so meh, I guess I have to.)**

Light and L were, as always, working furiously on the Kira case. They had picked up some clues, and figured out that Kira was working for Yotsuba.

As they were making this discovery, L had obtained a bowl of cherries that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. Light wanted to ask about it, but he decided against it, figuring that he didn't want to know. Most likely, Watari had came in while Light was zoning out, which he had been doing more and more often lately.

Light was about to turn back to the computer, when suddenly, he felt a small amount of liquid splatter against his chest. He gasped at the tiny red stain that was presently sinking into the fabric of his shirt.

"Ryuzaki," Light snapped, glaring at the detective, who was staring intently at Light's brand new stain.

"What?" L asked dully.

"What do you mean, '_What_'?! You just got cherry juice all over my shirt," Light shouted, although this was a major exaggeration, since the small spot was barely noticeable.

"I see," L murmured. Light waited, expecting L to say more, but the insomniac simply grabbed another cherry and ate it.

"…Aren't you going to do something about it?" Light growled, trying to stifle his anger.

"What do you expect me to do?" L asked, turning his bored expression towards the brunette.

"I _expect_ you to wash my shirt for me." Light crossed his arms.

"…Wash it?" L tilted his head to the side like a curious puppy.

"Yes, wash it. You know. Put it in the washer." Light blinked. "…Do you even _have_ a washer?"

"Yes," L said hesitantly.

"Can you show me where it is?" Light's anger was successfully starting to deplete.

"No." L turned away, popping another cherry into his mouth.

"What?!" Light's anger shot up tenfold. "Why not?!"

"I'd rather not say." L began typing at the computer emotionlessly, leaving Light trembling with fury.

_How dare he?! He just got cherry juice on my fresh shirt, and he won't even lead me to the washer?! Not to mention he still didn't apologize! Bastard…_ Light thought. Once he was done internally ranting, he growled, "We're going to the washer, even if I have to drag you there."

"Good luck figuring out where it is," L replied flatly.

Light ground his teeth, irritated. Instead of responding, he stood up and walked towards the stairs. The detective was unwillingly tugged along, clutching the bowl of cherries to his chest.

Light stomped up the stairs loudly, mumbling under his breath. "This is just a waste of time. You'll never find it," L spoke up as he followed the high school student.

"It is _not_ a waste of time. I _will_ find it," Light called over his shoulder defiantly. L became silent once more. The brunette could sense an aura of panic hovering around the raven. "Why are you so worried?"

"I'm not worried," L grumbled, stuffing another cherry in his mouth, stem still attached.

"Yes you are. It's so _painfully_ obvious. Can you just put your pride aside for a moment and tell me what's wrong?" Light reached the top of the stairs and turned, watching L stumble up the last few steps.

The detective pulled a cherry stem, which was now twisted in a knot, out of his mouth. "If I tell you, you must swear that you won't tell the others."

"I swear," Light said half-heartedly.

"Because if you do happen to mention any of this, I will not hesitate to tell them what you do at night when you think I'm asleep," L threatened. Light's eyes widened to an impossible proportion.

"Y-you _know_?" Light gasped.

"Of course. I rarely sleep. I was just feigning slumber so I could observe what you do at night. I was hoping it would help with the Kira case, but I guess blackmail's just as useful." L cocked his head to the side, smirking teasingly.

"I swear," Light repeated, his voice holding more vigor than before. "Just don't tell them about… _that_."

"Okay." L took a deep breath before beginning, "Once upon a time—"

"Wait, since when was this a fairytale?" Light interrupted before L could continue.

"It's not. Now shut up and listen," L demanded. Intimidated, Light quieted himself, and L started up again. "Once upon a time…"

**And a flashback ensued.**

_A young L, who looked to be about 14 years old, was sitting in his odd crouched position. He was typing at his computer, writing an essay for school. It only took him about five minutes to finish, even though it was a 10-page essay. Once done, he snapped the laptop shut._

_At that moment, a man, who appeared to be a younger version of Watari, chose to come by. "L, could you do the laundry?"_

"_What? But I don't know how," L complained, turning to stare at his guardian._

"_You know how to do just about everything else. Besides, you don't look to be busy."_

"_I… have homework," L lied, gesturing towards his laptop._

"_L, I was standing right outside the door. I know you finished," Watari grumbled, crossing his arms._

"…_Damn," L hissed, more to himself than to Watari. "Why can't you do it?"_

"_I always do it. It's time you do some work around here as well." The man turned to leave. "And anyways, I have to go out and buy more groceries."_

"_Can you at least teach me how?" L pleaded._

"_You're more than capable of figuring out how to do it on your own," Watari answered before disappearing from the room. _

_L sat in silence for a moment, listening to the front door open and shut. He considered not doing it at all. Watari wouldn't have to know; he was ultimately going to do the laundry again. But guilt gnawed at L's chest at the mere thought. Watari was right; he did need to do more to help around here._

_After a minute of L mentally fighting with himself, the future detective stood and walked off to the laundry room. "Stupid conscience," He muttered to himself._

_When L arrived at the laundry room, he stared blankly at the washer. Crap. How was he supposed to do this? "…I'm a genius. I can do it," He muttered to himself. Reassured, he padded over to the washer and unloaded the clothes. He placed the clothes on top of the dryer. Now what?_

"_Do I put the water, the soap, or the clothes in first?" L wondered aloud. "Hmm… water first," He decided, turning the knob until the arrow pointed at the word 'Heavy.' Then he pulled the knob out, and water immediately rushed into the basin._

"_Okay… I guess the clothes go next…" L loaded the washer with the dirty clothes, yawning as he did so. This was so boring. Why was Watari complaining about it? It didn't seem so difficult._

"_How much soap do I put in here?" L stared blankly at the Oxyclean bottle he held in his hand. "I guess… I'll just pour it in until it seems like it's enough?" With that, L tipped the bottle over, watching it pour into the basin._

_It was the equivalent of a waterfall, and L quickly tipped the bottle upright again. "Uh-oh… I may have put too much…" _

_Panicked, L quickly slammed the lid down. The washer was making an awful clinking noise, and was rumbling up and down. The lid rattled loose and started to move up and down on its own._

"_Crap!" L gasped, scrambling on top of the washer. He crouched on the lid of the washer. The vibrations were strangely painful. Luckily his weight held the lid down in place. But the washer seemed to dislike this._

_It shook so much that it began to tip forward. "Nonono—" L cried, but the washer collapsed regardless. The insomniac's life flashed before his eyes as he tumbled through the air. Then L felt his head smash against the hard, cold floor, and everything went black._

_L woke up not long after. He'd been unconscious for about 2 minutes, but luckily was still alive, although his head hurt like hell._

_He attempted to groan, only to feel bubbles gurgle near his mouth. His eyes opened wide and he quickly sat up; water was everywhere. It was overly-soapy, and L's mouth tasted like Oxyclean. _

"_Oh God, Watari's going to kill me…" L got to his feet. The water lapped at his ankles as he staggered out of the room. He shut the door behind him, hoping it would trap some of the water. But the crack under the door merely slowed down the flow of the water._

_Not long after, Watari came back. He was furious with L, but he didn't have time to scold him due to the fact that the boy had to go to the emergency room. Apparently when L had fallen, the impact cracked the back of his head open; the soapy water had washed away the blood, so L hadn't known until Watari pointed out that his head was bleeding._

_After the very exciting trip to the emergency room, L was forbidden from any sugary items for a month. (But this rule was broken when L suffered withdrawal symptoms only two days later.)_

**The flashback vanished.**

"And that's why I put as much distance between me and the washer as possible," L concluded. Light stared at him oddly for a moment.

Then the brunette burst out laughing.

"Ryu… zaki… that is… the lamest… story… I have ever… heard," Light gasped between bouts of laughter.

Angered, L dragged Light to the laundry room. Once there, L poured as much soap as possible into the washer and turned the knob to 'Heavy.' Light was oblivious, since he still couldn't control his laughter.

Only when the handcuff chain unlocked with a _clink_ did the high school student notice. "Wait… what are you…"

"Have fun reliving my childhood." L exited the room quickly and locked the door. From inside the laundry room, Light banged on the door wildly, demanding to be let out.

Of course, once L went downstairs without Light attached to him, Soichiro instantly noticed. When L didn't tell the panicked father what had happened to his son, Soichiro did the first thing that came to mind: held a gun to L's head and threatened to kill him if he didn't lead him to his son.

In the end, Light only suffered a minor head cold from inhaling so much soap.

And both L and Light shared the same mental trauma of laundry.

**A/N Laundry is scary. Seriously. The first time I did it, I was afraid of doing it wrong. Because if you do one thing wrong, everything is ruined.**

**And L didn't even get to the hardest part: taking the clothes out of the dryer and folding them. It's so hard because they're always wrinkled. Always.**

**Also, the whole part with Watari telling L to do the laundry? My mom does it to me all the time. "Do the laundry please kthxbai." Then she just walks away. And I'm like, "…Should I?" I end up doing it though… Stupid conscience. (L was actually based off of me… that's why I made him 14. x3)**

**Luckily, I've never been through that. Although I did question which goes in first: the water, the soap, or the clothes? (The water and soap go in at the same time, **_**THEN**_** the clothes. X3)**

**Well, anyways, thanks for reading. owo**


	2. Light's Secret

**Dirty Little Secret**

**ChipsAhoypup**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the song, which is only the title of this fic. Also, I don't own any of the Death Note characters, the plot of Death Note, or anything mentioned in the story for that matter. **

**A/N I'm sorry. I just had to.**

It was a month before the whole cherry-juice-on-the-shirt, explanation-of-the-laundry-trauma incident. L and Light, of course, had no idea that it was to come. If Light _had_ known, he would've thought twice before doing what he did that night.

In truth, Light used to do it every night, before the cameras were inserted. Once he figured out that there were cameras in nearly every corner of his room, he knew that he couldn't do _that_ anymore.

But now, Light was in a room chained to a sleeping L. _The_ L. The one who had put the cameras in his room that had stopped him from doing _that_ before.

Light inspected the detective. His eyes were closed. His breathing was slow and even.

_He must be asleep,_ Light thought. It was more of a desperate hope. He knew that L rarely slept. But everyone had to sleep at some point or another… right?

Light crept towards the mirror, pinching the chain at every step so that it wouldn't clink into itself and wake his partner up.

It seemed like it had been an hour before he reached the mirror. He breathed a quiet sigh of relief when he finally got there. He stole a glance towards L, just to confirm that the insomniac really was asleep.

Well, his breathing was still even and his eyes were still closed.

**(A/N This WHOLE next part was all what The iPod Addict wrote. Thanks for helping me out, The iPod Addict. ^^)**

Light smiled. Perfect. Opening the closet, Light pulled out one of Misa's girlier dresses. Taking off his shirt and sliding them over his boxes- since that's what he usually wears to bed- he slipped on the pink dress. That had bejewels on it that sparkled. It made him feel like Edward Cullen, which made him smile like an idiot. He didn't care what anyone said, real vampires _do_ sparkle. Stephanie Meyer said so.  
He grabbed his hairbrush from the dresser and held it close to his chest. When was the last time he did this anyway? He brushed the bristles to his seemingly 'long lost' friend. Well, all that matters is that he can _now_. Reaching over, Light turned the radio on, the volume low. Turning back to L, he figured the detective was still asleep by the slow rising and falling of his chest.  
Then, the music started playing.  
Light had to hold in a fangirl- uh, fan_boy_ squeal when he heard the familiar tune playing. It was one of his favorite songs!! Along with the singer, Light began saying the words:  
_The kisses of the sun  
Were sweet; I didn't blink  
I let it in my eyes  
Like an exotic drink  
The radio playing songs  
That I have never heard  
I don't know what to say  
Oh not another word just  
Lala la lala!_

He started swaying his hips, looking in the mirror but instead of seeing his reflection, he saw millions of fans screaming for him. Which made his smile turn from idiotic to drunken.

_Inside an empty room _

_My inspiration flows  
Now wait to hear the tune _

_Around my head it goes  
The magic melody _

_You want to sing with me  
Just la la la la la _

_the music is the key  
And now the night is gone _

_Still it goes on and on  
So deep inside of me _

_I long to set it free  
I don't know what to do _

_Just can't explain to you  
I don't know what to say _

_Oh not another word_

In the bed, L laid there, utterly confused. Was Light-kun _singing_?  
...Apparently, he was.  
But did it have to be _that_ song?! L couldn't have thought of a song more fit for someone named Yagami, especially when you spell such backwards.  
Of course, that fact alone didn't prove Light was gay.  
However, now with the SINGING... L couldn't tell anymore.

_Just la la la la la _

_It goes around the world  
Just la la la la la _

_It's all around the world  
Just la la la la la _

_And everybody's singing  
La la la la la _

_And now the bells are ringing_

Now that the detective thought about it, he's never seen a male spend more time in the bathroom than Light.

_The kisses of the sun_

La la la la la 

_It goes around the world  
Just la la la la la _

_It's all around the world  
Just la la la la la_

_And everybody's singing  
La la la la la _

_And now the bells are ringing_

Good, at least the song was over. There's no way the next song could be any more girly than this one.  
For once in his life, the great detective L was wrong.

_I hopped off the plane at LAX_

_with a dream and my cardigan_

_welcome to the land of fame excess, (woah)_

_am I gonna fit in?_

_Jumped in the cab,_

_Here I am for the first time_

_Look to the right and I see the Hollywood sign_

_This is all so crazy_

_Everybody seems so famous_

_My tummys turnin and I'm feelin kinda home sick_

_Too much pressure and I'm nervous,_

_That's when the taxi man turned on the radio_

_and a Jay Z song was on_

_and the Jay Z song was on_

_and the Jay Z song was on_

As Light danced and sung in front of the mirror to his adoring fans- which all just _happened_ to look like Mikami- L was debating whether or not he should suffocate himself with the pillow under his head.  
An idea popped into his head, one that made him smirk evilly.

As the song finished, Light bowed, causing the chain to _clank_ a little. Turning wide-eyed to L, he saw the pale man move a little. He turned off the radio, practically ripped off the dress and threw it in the closet, and ran over to the bed. Pausing, he _gently_ laid down, not wanting L to sense the movement.

L, however, already knew the boy was up. He didn't 'wake up' when he felt the sinking of the bed. He just continued to breath evenly and feign sleep. Instead, he just kept thinking of more and more ways this could be used as blackmail. He thanked God that he had cameras all over the Task Force building, even this room.

Oh, this was going to be _sweet_.  
Poor, poor imagaY-kun.

**A/N Thanks again, The iPod Addict. ^^ **

**Hope you readers enjoyed. :3**


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